wreck the dot/swat the duck
Here is the words that belong to a poem/song of mine, which is a track on the music/spoken word anthology accompanying the current issue of dotdotdash magazine. For twelve bucks it comes with tonnes of interesting art and writing and two CDs of awesome sound! How can you resist? Click away:

Gordon (Un)Luck(y)
So I failed to complete my NYWM goal. I did, however, learn from it. There’s much to be learned from not completing a project you designed for yourself. Everyone has a different approach to their writing and it was really interesting to read the deluge of insight offered on the topics of process and motivation throughout the month.
My project began to collapse when it became miserably time consuming and tedious writing the HTML for the fonts and paragraphing for the blog every time I wanted to post (I’m a novice in this area and usually find myself punching myself in the dick instead of reading instructions). It was taking me longer to fight with the html than write. I guess this was off-putting and so I continued working on Gordon Luck without posting. I thought, I’ll post when I’ve made significant progress and not just taken a baby step. Alas, I pretty well ceased working on Gordon Luck when my placement devoured nearly all of my time (at school all day, planning and procrastinating all night). However, I learnt that (sometimes) in order to motivate myself to get writing or return to a work-in-progress, I need to set an overambitious writing goal just to get something (anything) done.
The slightly more complete Gordon Luck will posted as soon as I find the time to hack through some sweet html!
Adios.
Gordon Luck (Day Two)
(Short Story)
Gordon unlocks the store the same way an open parentheses starts the hug on a hushed (after) thought. Gordon turns the key, the seedy green keychain-tag with NV TROPHIES scrawled on its square, dangles across his palm.
Inside, dawn light is coming in in sheets through mostly-open Venetian blinds. There’s two huge tables covered in trophies, dawn light flicking off them. Gordon rubs his left eye, thinking it is his lazy eye and sometimes, just before lunch when his stomach turns to (hurt)hungry, it comes to cross his mind that he might be going blind or at best be deeply infected behind the eye.
Next door there’s DOORS. Owner and operator, Mister Din is inspecting knobs on his display model doors. He turns them once to the right and twice to the left before dusting and wiping them to a shine. He’s a lackluster man; always expressionless, his mouth a tiny slash in the clay of his head. The weather is something that frequents the thoughts of Mister Din. These weather thoughts are born from a disparate anxiety, not curiosity. He ponders, often to the point of excessive-door knob-shining-frustration, why he has never cared for the weather. He considers a sunny day but feels nothing for it. He stares up to an overcast sky and isn’t bothered. If it rains, that’s okay with Mister Din.
Gary wants to know Mister Din’s first name. Eight years ago Mister Din opened his DOORS directly across the street from his GARY’S PIANO WORLD. In a drawer behind the counter, Gary has a notebook close-to-full of possible first names for Mister Din. Some of them are absurd, others boring, most of them likely. On the days when business is sluggish , Gary becomes crazed by thoughts of Mister Din’s first name.
He paces over to NV TROPHIES and says to Gordon, “You know how people look like a name? Well I don’t think Mister Din looks like any name except Mister Din. You know what I mean? For a long time I was convinced it was Pan but that’s only because I met a Pan once that looked like him.”
“Gary, remember: Pan. Din. His name isn’t going to be Pan Din.”
“What about Cheng? Lei from the takeaway down the road said that’s a common name for men in China.”
“He’s Korean.”
Gary scrawls something in his notebook before instructing Gordon to “have a good one mate” and returning to his PIANO WORLD.
________________________________________________
(Screenplay)
EXT. NV TROPHIES AND DOORS - MORNING
DEADPAN WS OF “NV TROPHIES” AND “DOORS” SHOPFRONTS.
GORDON unlocks front door of NV TROPHIES and enters.
INT. NV TROPHIES - MORNING
DUST CAUGHT IN A SHEET OF MORNING LIGHT ENTERING THROUGH VENETIAN BLINDS.
FACELESS GOLDEN HEADS OF TROPHY STATUETTES.
GORDON sits at the counter, bored, tired, rubbing his left eye.
EXT. DOORS - MORNING
DEADPAN WS OF “DOORS” SHOPFRONT.
INT. DOORS - MORNING
MISTER DIN (owner and operator of DOORS) is cleaning door knobs. He takes great pride in his doors and cleans them compulsively. MISTER DIN is a meagre and astute Korean man.
Happy with his freshly-shined doors knobs, Mister Din empties a bucket of dirty water into the gutter outside his shop. While emptying the bucket, he looks up to see GARY across the street. Unlocking the door to his business, GARY PIANO’S WORLD, Gary catches Mister Din’s eye and gives him a friendly wave. MISTER DIN raises a hand to wave back and almost drops the bucket.
EXT. STREET BETWEEN DOORS AND GARY’S PIANO WORLD - MORNING
WS OF THE STREET BETWEEN THE STORES. MISTER DIN STRUGGLES WITH THE BUCKET OF WATER WHILE GARY GOES INSIDE HIS STORE.
INT. GARY’S PIANO WORLD - MORNING
GARY enters his store. He walks over to an old piano that looks as if it might not be for sale. GARY places his keys and papers from under his arm on top of the piano and sits down. He plays notes from a familiar tune but his mind seems to be elsewhere. In front of him, on the ledge where sheet music is usually placed, there is a notebook. GARY grabs the notebook and leaves the store.
INT. NV TROPHIES - MORNING
GARY enters the store and paces toward GORDON at the counter. GARY is holding up the notebook, excited.
GARY
I think I probably know what Mister Din’s name might be.
GORDON
And what do you probably think it might be Gary?
GARY
It’s Cheng. Lei from the takeaway down the road told me.
GORDON
I had no idea Lei knew Mister Din.
GARY
She doesn’t. She reckons Cheng is the most common name in China and that’s probably his name.
GORDON
He doesn’t really look like a Cheng. And besides, I think he’s from Korea.
GARY
It still might be Cheng. (Beat/GARY becomes disenchanted) But I just don’t think he looks like anything except Mister Din.
GORDON
(grabbing a trophy off the counter and turning his back to Gary)
You’re probably right.
GARY scrawls something in his notebook before turning and pacing toward the door.
GARY
(raising an open palm as if to wave to GORDON)
Thanks Gordon. I’ll catch yer later mate.
GORDON gives a non-chalant wave with his back still turned to GARY.
National Young Writers’ Month and Gordon Luck
Eeep. Yes, eep. That’s the monosyllable sound I make when starting something late. It’s day four of National Young Writers’ Month and I still haven’t started my goal: to work on a short story everyday for a month. Akin to this short story I will write a screenplay adaptation of it (also on a daily basis). This means a new blog post everyday: starting now.
My goal may well be overambitious. I am interested in seeing how the same story and characters can start at the same point and run parallel to each other but in different mediums of writing. I’m ready for it to be possibly contrived and brummagem/nonsensical and pretentious/slack and dilatory/just plain crap. However, I’m not writing for the purpose of an end product but more to become a better writer and learn something about writing. Often tortured by my own laziness, I want to develop a writing habit that leaves little time for procrastination.
To break up the monotony of this progressive project I will post multiple entries as often as possible; “comic relief” as they say. I encourage feedback, comments, abuse, swearing, slander, haiku, abusive haiku and hyperlinks to images and videos of baby sloths in response to my short story posts.
Happy National Young Writers’ Month! Check out the NYWM website, blog and forum for inspiration and the word on some sweet happenings throughout the month. Rosanna Stevens’ post on the Voiceworks blog about writing habits ought to get your writing cogs into gear. There’s tonnes happening in Melbourne this month including the Emerging Writers’ Festival. I’ll be at Page Parlour tomorrow at Federation Square. Come say hello to me at the Voiceworks stall!
Alas, here is the first installment of the short story I promise to work on everyday for the next month. Forgive me for the poor working title.
__________________________________________
GORDON LUCK (Short Story/Day One)
Gordon unlocks the store the same way an open parentheses starts the hug on a hushed (after) thought. Gordon turns the key, the seedy green keychain-tag with “NV Trophies” scrawled on its square, dangling across his palm.
Inside, dawn light is coming in in sheets through mostly-open Venetian blinds. There’s two huge tables covered in trophies, dawn light flicking off them. Gordon rubs his left eye, thinking it is his lazy eye and sometimes, just before lunch when his stomach turns to (hurt)hungry, it crosses his mind that he might be going blind or at best be deeply infected behind the eye.
__________________________________________
GORDON LUCK (Screenplay/Day One)
EXT. NV TROPHIES AND DOORS - MORNING
DEADPAN WS OF “NV TROPHIES” AND “DOORS” SHOPFRONTS.
GORDON unlocks front door of NV TROPHIES and enters.
INT. NV TROPHIES - MORNING
DUST CAUGHT IN A SHEET OF MORNING LIGHT ENTERING THROUGH VENETIAN BLINDS.
FACELESS GOLDEN HEADS OF TROPHY STATUETTES.
GORDON sits at the counter, bored, tired, rubbing his left eye.
When I grow up I want to be a desert island who sells its own and only palm tree.
Blah blah blah etc etc etcetera. The second sentence to this blog post contains lament bent around an obvious fact that this blog has not been updated in an amount of time deemed “ages” by its blogadeer. The third sentence in this blog post traipses internal monologue questioning whether this blog can exist without solipsism and still be read? The fourth sentence denotes a self-proclaimed awareness of an inability or perhaps, more fittingly, an incapacity to offer decent opinion and/or descriptions of one’s feelings and mood balanced with place (or is the antonym to this fleeting thought exactly what is happening here?).
What I’m really trying to say is I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS BLOG IS SUPPOSED TO BE. It began as a depository of my crap pictures, videos and occasional rambling. Some of those crap drawings are now published. This blog then spiraled into a lame self-promotional thing. Gross. I’ve had four things published since my last post but I can’t be bothered selling it here. It feels completely fruitless. I don’t want this to be a Notice (me) Board. The truth is, I’m just some fool with a useless arts degree working at a call centre.
A website in which I sell myself in the third-person would be preferable (due to its lack of narration and voice, it’d effectively be a desert island selling its own and only palm tree).
So why should I blog at all?
Because it’s not all that serious.
Sweetest Sheet
- Starting tomorrow is Lesstalk Record’s music festival the Artless Armchair 6! A long way from its humble beginnings in a kitchen, the festival will prove to be the biggest yet. I’m looking forward to seeing Polyfox and the Union of the Most Ghosts, Crab Smasher, Sweet Teeth and, of course, the unforgettable Brutal Poodles. I will feature in Mushroom Family’s set to sing a song about a Pancake that marries a Bell Rope. Full event details here. See you at the ‘chair.
- The Overload Poetry Festival’s “MASH” video in which I briefly appear, is now available on YouTube.
- Spider goats.
- I’ve been busy reading and shortlisting entries for the John Marsden Young Writers Award 2010. John will have a tough time picking the winners! Come along to the awards night.
- You can vote for me in the 2010 Express Media Awards. Check out the the nomination categories here. My work appeared in the Missionary and Birthmark issues of Voiceworks.
- It has been a while since I posted a crap drawing or piece of writing. In the meantime enjoy this hash: #
Happy Father’s Day
I love my dad.

This is a photo I took of him for the promo of Naked People Wearing Clothes.
BIRTHDAY HAIR: Webisode One
Thanks for watching!
TITLE
- This Sunday (August 8th) is Open Day at the Wheeler Centre! Come along and explore the centre (it was the National Gallery and The Planetarium in a past life) and learn about the residencies there. I will be chatting on a panel with some other Australian writers about the process of collaboration and how performance poetry continues to change with the advent of more integrated technologies. There will be videos and other cool things. Check it out! Details here.
- Vibewire has published my short story The End et al along with a couple of my Crappy Doodles. It’s about the time you grew old and died while watching porn. Vibewire has some interesting coverage of the election as well (as does Express Media’s Electioneering).
- Exhibit A (see below) is the pretentiously titled, dumb/dumb/actuality/animation video I made named TITLE. “Fruit Fly vs. Pube” would’ve made more sense. Yes, that is one of my pubic hairs. I removed it with scissors. There was an audition process: I wanted something with a single bend in the middle but nothing too curly. I made the video last year when I was working on MasterChef and living at Dee Why (information which is of no significance to the video). My familarity with the Reality TV Contest Formula* did not influence the design of this audition process. TITLE appears as a bonus feature on the NPWC DVD.
- Good friend and Less Talk Records (Godfather) entrepreneur, Matt Vaughn was interviewed by Unbelievably Bad ZineBlog.
- Seeing as though he believes in it so strongly, Tony Abbott should take his campaign to Hell.
- Exhibit B: the coolest thing since the invention of flavoured milk.
- < This dot point was a thumb-tac in a past life.
- I have a release date for the first installment of my short series of videos, BIRTHDAY HAIR. The videos will star Measgood. The release date looks a little bit like this: August 11.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
* Contains nuts**.
**Nuts may contain crack cocaine and gourmet sandwiches.
Stuff etc.
There is all kinds of self-promotion going on in this blog post so if that’s the kind of thing to make you sick or have capillaries burst in your eyes, don’t read on.
Voiceworks Live is happening on July 22 (Thursday next week!) at the Wheeler Centre. Myself, Holly Voight and Christopher O’Neill will be reading. I am looking forward to the live radio play reading of Danielle M. Binks’ short story ‘Is This A Miracle?’. Details for the event are here.

I have new writing published in the current issues of Voiceworks and Dotdotdash magazines. My poem Khao San Road, Bangkok appears in the “Birthmark” themed Voiceworks, while my short story The Kodak Colorburst 100 In April and poem Big Dumb Object appear in Dotdotdash.

Voiceworks and Dotdotdash magazines are available at Borders and all good bookstores and newsagencies. If not (demand your local stocks it!), you can purchase a copy online from here and here.
Also, you can now watch all four episodes of Naked People Wearing Clothes on this blog. Click the Video tab.
Has anyone read Kleinzeit by Russell Hoban? I found a copy of it at a used book den last week and I think it might be my new favourite book.



