Who the fuck is Gabrielle Cilmi and what has she done to deserve 6 ARIA awards?

Who the fuck is Gabrielle Cilmi and what has she done to deserve 6 ARIA awards?

To be honest I’m not even sure when the ARIAs were, but I do know I’m pretty pissed off that some 16 year old pop-tart named Gabrielle Cilmi picked up 6 awards. I have never heard this girls name before, and yet she picks up 6 awards as Australia’s most prestigious (… well in theory) music awards?

This chick apparently won Breakthrough Album and Breakthrough Single of the Year, Single of the Year, Best Female Artist, Best Pop Release and Highest Selling Single. Not bad for some fucking auto tuned pop harlot, who in all likeliness doesn’t even write any of her goddamn songs. Wow, she sings like Amy Winehouse, quickly, give that girl 6 industry awards! Can anyone even name her fucking single or album without looking it up?

See and this is what infuriates me. Did little Gabrielle write the lyrics to her song? No she didn’t, a professional song writer did. Did little Gabrielle write the music to her songs? No, a composer did. Did she play the music? No, expensive session musicians did. All she had to fucking do was sing another mindless little ditty in the style of the day then leave it to this huge corpo-whore giant Warner Bros to spent millions engineering her album to perfection while compressing the fucking shit out of it. Does she sound anything like that live? Of course she fucking doesn’t.

Of course, the ARIAs have never, ever been credible. The ARIAs represent an obscene farce and a cruel smear on the Australian music industry. Industry awards are meant to be about recognition from peers; about earning the respect and admiration from key credible figures – not a Top 40 popularity content cum rape party. I can honestly never remember that someone deserving won an ARIA. In fact I don’t think that has ever happened. It has always been a major record label circle jerk, lacking even the slightest chance of lube let alone a reach around for the violently raped music listening public.

This is why the Australian music industry is such a piece of shit. The smaller pub venues won’t put on bands; so just how the fuck are we meant to cultivate and develop talent that can hold the attention of the larger commercial venues? Labels wont sign anyone but safe little pop whore princesses or derivative electro indie pieces of shit. Radio will rarely play anything from independent artists (aside from Triple J but that’s long become a caricature of itself – music exists outside of terrible Australian hip hop, indie and electro, okay?).

Basically we have no grass roots support from the government, from venues or from labels. Then at the highest level of ‘music awards’ are so fucking pathetic that I would rather accept an award compose entirely out of my own vomit and fecal matter, and to be honest that would probably be more credible in the eyes of most other musicians.

What is so frustrating is that this total absence of commercialism in our grass roots music scene has created a breeding ground for a range of talented and unique bands that have no choice but to create music out of their own innate desire – because they sure as fuck aren’t going to get recognized or paid for all the effort they pour into it. Meanwhile these amazing bands go unrecognized and we put some little skank on a pedestal as the pinnacle of Australian music and culture for the world to see. It makes me sick.

Obviously I’m ranting about what we’ve all known for ages. All I’m saying is the best thing that could happen is that terrorists unleash some form of flesh eating virus into the air ducts of the pompous farce that is the ARIAs, then unleash swarms of rabid dogs to tear the flesh, silicone and heavily caked make-up from the delicate bones from these soulless, passionless industry fuckheads.

Fuck the ARIAs.