Rolling Stone are the kings of printing irrelevant lists. While the publication was once a bastion of hard rock, drugs, counter-culture and, well, MUSIC, Rolling Stone has long since devolved into a hyper-capitalist shitheap, force-feeding its readers vapid pop culture trends and manufactured 'artists' who are little more than corporate sub-brands. To surmise, they have become the mouth-piece of the bloated and archaic mainstream music industry; a sickening orgy of money grabbing fads and sensationalist bullshit that is essentially totally irrelvant to the actual ART of music.
With their latest irrelvant list "100 Best Songs of the Decade" Rolling Stone has once more proven that the magazine Hunter S. Thompson once called home is long dead and buried.
Let us quickly sample their top 25 songs on the past 10 years:
1 | Gnarls Barkley — "Crazy"
2 | Jay-Z — "99 Problems"
3 | Beyoncé — "Crazy in Love"
4 | Outkast — "Hey Ya!"
5 | M.I.A. — "Paper Planes"
6 | The White Stripes — "Seven Nation Army"
7 | Yeah Yeah Yeahs — "Maps"
8 | Amy Winehouse — "Rehab"
9 | U2 — "Beautiful Day"
10 | Eminem — "Stan"
11 | MGMT — "Time to Pretend"
12 | Eminem — "Lose Yourself"
13 | 50 Cent — "In Da Club"
14 | Missy Elliott — "Get Ur Freak On"
15 | Johnny Cash — "Hurt"
16 | The Strokes — "Last Nite"
17 | Bob Dylan — "Mississippi"
18 | Kelly Clarkson — "Since U Been Gone"
19 | Kanye West — "Jesus Walks"
20 | Justin Timberlake — "Cry Me a River"
21 | OutKast — "B.O.B."
22 | Amerie — "1 Thing"
23 | Rihanna — "Umbrella"
24 | Radiohead — "Everything in Its Right Place"
25 | Missy Elliott — "Work It"
Yes you read correctly. This past decade of music has apparently been dominated by mindless pop R&B pap, simplistic garage indie rock and neutered gangsta-rap.
Here's a few quick stats:
- Outkast, Missy Eliott and Eminem all have 2 songs in the top 25 - in other words, in Rolling Stone's opinion those three 'artists' account for 24% of the top 25 songs of 2009. Right.
- 5 songs in the top 25 are spelt feature SMS lexicon ("In Da Club", "Get Ur Freak On", "Last Nite", "Since U Been Gone", "1 Thing").
- Jay-Z is a fag.
- Gnarls Barkley is an irritating fag.
- Bono is a preaching fag.
- Jack White is a talentless fag.
- Meg White may be the worst drum player on earth.
- 50 Cent got shot multiple times and is still a fag.
- Missy Elliott is more than likely a dude (a dude who is a fag).
- Kanye West is a meglomaniac AND a fag.
- Justin Timberlake wants to pretend he's Michael Jackson, which I guess makes him a pedophile AND a fag.
- All members of MGMT, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and The Strokes are fags and represent a pathetic de-evolution of rock.
- Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash are certainly NOT fags.
Honestly I can't even be bothered writing anymore. Let it be suffice to say that Rolling Stone is a bloated capitalist shitheap and a stain on the music industry (well... essentially the entire mainstream music industry is the stain). I can only pray that this publication will fall hard in the very near future alongside all the archaic record labels who promote image-driven, vapid, mindless, Orwellian synthetic pop bile and then pretend to be confused when the value of their releases seem to be undermined.
Record Executive Jerk: "Hey guys! I've got a business problem for you to consider:
We release loads of lowest common denominator, overproduced, purposefully generic music driven by image rather than substance - and we manage to charge exhorbarent amounts of money for an album of which the physical pressing costs amount to less than $2 (how's a 15,000% mark-up sound?)!
We also like to stress the short life-cycle of our pop stars and their pop songs - so we can quickly create and crank out the next one for a quicker and quicker buck!
But things aren't all good in our world.... For some reason people are starting to DOWNLOAD our music - for FREE! They STEAL it! They are refusing to pay $30 for a perfectly good Lady Gaga album!"
A Person With A Brain: "So you purposely stress the disposable nature of your product to create quicker replacement lifecycles while continuing to invest more and more into brand marketing and image than the actual substance of the music - you greatly inflate production costs with multi-million dollar film clips and production work and then still attempt maintain a lucrative margin from inflated product retail prices?"
Record Executive Jerk: "Yeah!"
A Person With A Brain: "And you're surprised that people are now refusing to fork out for such a disposable product, who's value has been consistently and actively undermined and bastardised by the very business model upon your organisation promotes?
Perhaps now is the time to re-consider your business model - especially in light of new technologies like the internet which is re-defining consumer choice and empowerment and creating entirely new distribution models which are far sleeker and low-cost?"
Record Executive Jerk: "Nahhhhh...... I know; we'll sue the people who download for $40,000 per MP3 track!"
Can anyone else see what's wrong with this picture? Just please fucking die mainstream music industry. You a bloated hyper-capitalist fucks that have long side bastardised music into a pre-packaged commodity for 13 year old girls. Kill yourselves.
Go here if you are a sucker for punishment and want to read the full list: Rolling Stone's Top 100 Songs of the Decade.
COCK AND BALL TORTURE featured in Rolling Stone Online!
CIRCLE OF DEAD CHILDREN will enter Mr. Smalls Studio in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania tomorrow to begin recording the follow up to 2005’s Zero Comfort Margin EP. Mixing and mastering will be handled by Scott Hull at Visceral Sound in Bethesda, Maryland.
Psalm of the Grand Destroyer will contain at least 14 new tracks and be released by Willowtip Records in the Spring of 2009.
Rejoice! The split 7"/MCD between Leng T'che and Fuck The Facts is available now through Power It Up Records.
You can order directly through the band email@example.com or through the label's mailorder..
The 7" contains 2 Leng Tch'e and 4 Fuck The Facts songs while the MCD has 4 Leng Tch'e and 6 Fuck The Facts songs.
If CIRCLE OF DEAD CHILDREN isn’t your thing, MySpace Music is going to be offering an exclusive premiere of KANYE WEST’s forthcoming album, 808s & HEARTBREAK.
Beginning on Friday, Nov.21 at 12:01am PT, fans will be able to stream the
album in its entirety for free on MySpace Music. This official premiere comes
days before the album hits stores on November 24.
Fuck posting on here, I listen to Joe Strummer & Death Cab For Cutie now-a-days anyway..